The Bodyguard REWRITE
by augustblack
Summary: Caught in the midst of an abusive relationship, Bella escapes the only way she knows how...by turning to Charlie. Charlie hires Jacob Black to help protect his daughter. Little does he know what would happen as he brought these two together.
1. Chapter 1

AN: PLEASE READ…..To all my readers I would like to make a few announcements…one being that I am now in fact back! I will be posting regualry now. I don't want any of you thinking I stopped writing for whatever reason, or that I won't finish my stories. In fact I had two huge crisis in my life that enabled me to write. On Oct 31st my couind and her finance died in a car accident and then on Nov 22nd my brother in law was in a horrific car accident himself. Many of you have read my sister (zuzak) stories, it was her finance that was in the accident. My brother in law died three times, had two collapsed lungs, and severe brain damage in multiple locations of the brain. He was in a coma for weeks and it is a miracle that he is still alive. He sturggles with everyday things we take for granted but is progressing daily. For that reason I shut off everyone and focused on my sister and my nephew during Josh's recovery. I am at a place where I feel you can't take anything for granted and to live everyday to the fullest. With that here is the beginning of the end of The Bodyguard.

Chapter 1

Bad Romance

_I want your love and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance. I want your love and all your lovers revenge. You and me could write a bad romance." Lady Gaga_

As I sat there at the kitchen table I couldn't help but think of how my life took a turn for the worst lately. There were so many things I wanted to do with my life that I have yet to do and then there were at least a dozen things I though that I would never do and I have done them.

I picked through my barely touched grilled chicken salad and allowed myself the brief moment of reminiscing over the past year. It isn't often I allow myself to dwell in the past. Maybe because so often when I do I become overwhelmed and feel trapped in the memories.

I moved to Forks with Charlie at the end of my junior year in high school. Renee thought it would be best if I had the summer to adjust before starting school in a new location. Turns out she was right. However it was both the best and worst thing I ever done.

With my dad being the chief of police he had certain connections around town. Sometimes it was embarrassing but mostly it was helpful. Thus he made it rather easy for me to get a job at the local hospital. That is where my stories begin, that is where I met _him_.

The day started just like any other typical Wednesday at work, I cleaned up my station and asked if any one wanted anything from the cafeteria. Thankful it was my lunch break I rounded the corner I ran right into the most handsome man I ever laid eyes on.

Little did I know then that there was an immense amount of pain and torture hiding behind those piercing green eyes. If I had only realized that then and turned around, it would have saved a lot of pain and heartbreak. Instead of turning and walking away I was introducing myself and shaking his hand.

_Edward_. His name was Edward. I was intrigued by the mysterious creature before me and accepted his request to have dinner together. Honestly this was one of those things I never imagined myself doing. Going out for a dinner date with a man I didn't really know.

We went out to dinner later that evening to a little Mexican restaurant in town. We really seemed to hit it off rather well. From then on out we were together every moment we could be. He would even come to work and hang out to keep me company until his father, the chief of surgery; Dr. Cullen would catch up with him and make him leave.

That didn't stop him from coming to the hospital though. He would be out in the parking lot or inside the parking garage waiting for my shift to end. Sometimes he would be out there 6 or 7 hours just waiting in is car. That was the first warning sign I noticed.

It's strange the things that happen to you when you are so convinced something of that kind never will. A crazy, obsessive, stalker boyfriend? No not me, it is always some one else. You know the one you always here about, a friend of a friends cousins sisters brother…right?

Wrong. Even those made for TV movies come true from time to time. Just count your blessings and consider yourself fortunate if something of the kind hasn't happened to you. For those of us that it has happened to, we are part of this secret club. One that is full of heartache and shame and all those what ifs as we wish we could take all those wrong choices.

It's funny the things we pretend we don't see when we feel we are in love. Looking back now there were so many warning signs they cause me to shake my head at the raw stupidity I must have possessed.

From there on out things got progressively worse. He made sure we were always together and on the rare occasion we weren't he would follow me. I wasn't aware of it until Angela spotted him on one of our shopping trips to Seattle. I promised her I would talk to Charlie about it but couldn't bring myself to do so. I knew he would be disappointed at the fact that his little girl, the one he raised to be aware of this sorta thing, fell right into the trap.

There was one particular day the he pushed things too far. I finally had enough and was getting a little worried and brought it up in a discussion with Edward.

It was both our graduation day and we were getting ready to go to a huge dinner with my parents and his. I demanded an answer for why it was he felt the need to always be right there, or call my constantly or even follow me. I tried to play it off as me thinking he didn't trust me but in reality it scared the hell out of me. I was getting more and more angry as he refused to answer me; shrugging me off as some silly little girl.

That must have been _his_ breaking point because before I knew it his hands had an iron firm grip on my arms and I was backed into the wall. That was when the wool peeled back from my eyes and I reached _my_ breaking point, not only was his behavior scaring me I was now frightened as to what he would do if I stayed with him. Would the time come that he didn't like something I said or did and he would physically hurt me?

Yes I think so, this was a small taste of what he was capable of. As he held me there to the wall his grip got tighter and then he did the unthinkable. He buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath. He just smelt me? I was beyond disgusted.

I didn't want to think of what could happen but I forced myself to. What else could I do? I may be naive and quiet but I wasn't the type of girl that put up with this type of stuff. I put an end to our relationship right there. Something I should have done months before. However, after dating for 7 months I saw clearly he wasn't going to change and something was terribly wrong.

He began to harass me, calling me on the telephone so many times I had to unplug it. I lied and told Charlie the phone line was acting up, a mistake on the company's part. Then the flowers and letters started. Daily I would receive something in the mail from him. Sometimes there wasn't even any postage which meant he put them there deliberately himself. I made it my duty to get the mail everyday before Charlie so he wouldn't see. The night I decided to tell Charlie was the same night I caught a glimpse of him outside my bedroom window. I just turned and saw him leaning next to an old oak tree in the yard.

Edward made a point to lean on that huge oak tree, the one with the perfect view of my bedroom multiple times.

Charlie of course went into full cop mode and now here we are caught up in one of his brilliant cop schemes. He left rather early like always, but around 1 pm he called and asked for me to prepare lunch for him and a coworker, that he thinks he came up with a solution to our little problem. I agreed and began to make spicy grilled chicken salads and twice baked potatoes.

At Charlie's last doctor appointment they discovered his blood pressure and cholesterol was a lot higher then it should be. The doctor wanted him to try some diet changes and told him to try to handle stress a little better before they would give him medications for the problems. Of course he protested with anything dietary and stated stress was an everyday part of the job he loved. He shrugged the problems off without what seemed to be a second though but it scared me to death. The thought of losing my father the way Leah and Seth Clearwater did was always the staring role in my nightmares.

Yet the doctors swore that most of the time the changes at home worked wonders. It has been difficult but I vowed to do whatever I could to try to change his diet around. I felt immensely guilty and blamed myself for causing all the stress.

I pushed my food away from me disgusted with myself for really not seeing what was happening with the situation sooner; for not being able to solve this problem solely by myself. The cruiser pulled up and Charlie fumbled with the door and all the new locks he insisted on installing before entering the house.

He took his gun off and hung it up, something he rarely did anymore. Lately he took it with him where ever he went throughout the house. Never know when a stalker will make one self seen, one of the many facts he drilled into my head. He would hold what he called situation predicaments where he would set up a scenario and I would have to tell him what I would do if that were to arise. If Edward were crazy enough to do such a thing. Charlie's old friend Billy Black had the honor to participate in one of our predicaments. He found it a lot more amusing then I did.

"Well Bells, you know how I have been telling you not to worry that I would figure out this little Edward problem?" His expression was different. He no longer looked desperate he looked hopeful.

"Yeah." I couldn't bring myself to say much more at the moment. I was still reveling in the change I saw. I had to admit I was happy to see the tension leave even if it was just slightly. However I was beginning to worry what it was he cooked up in his head.

"You see, stalking is a serious, even a potentially life-threatening crime. Even in it's less sever forms, it permanently changes the people involved and law enforcement is just now beginning to understand how to deal with this crime to be entirely honest. Because to truly understand it, you have to get in the stalkers mind. Or in Edward's case, a teenage boys mind. And well you see, I am not about to take any chances with your life here."

"Okay...where are you going with all this?" I tried to not let my new level of awareness and panic show. What was he trying to get at? Did he really think Edward was threatening my life?

"Do you remember Billy's boy, Jacob?" He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet around. Oh no…. this couldn't be good.

"Vaguely, you mean the skinny, weird, shaggy-haired boy? What about him?" Charlie just laughed at my statement and shook his head.

"Umm...well yeah but he isn't so little anymore. Anyway he is one of the new detectives at the precinct and I have hired him to help us. Starting today he will be undercover as your boyfriend, but in reality he is more like your bodyguard until we can catch this little bastard. After talking to a few of the guys at the station I realized the way we have to get him to leave you alone is to make him think you are over him, that he doesn't stand a chance with you anymore."

"What? No way! I don't want him here, he is just a kid! How can he help?" The thought of anyone else getting involved scared me to no end. There was no telling what Edward would do if he thought I had another boyfriend. I didn't like the idea and thought it would only make the situation worse then it was. It would only make things worse on the poor kid and I didn't want to be the reason he got hurt.

"Bells, he is only a year younger than you and he is not such a little kid anymore. I really believe this will work. Do you trust me?" He looked my right into the eyes. He was playing the trust card and there was no way I could tell him no after that. If he believed this would work there had to be a reason why.

"Okay...what do I have to do?" I reluctantly gave in, knowing I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"That is the spirit Bells, the sooner we get rid of him the faster we can get back to our lives. The plan is he will stay here with you, when Edward makes himself know, which we know he will. Jake will take whatever action he feels needs to be done." Wow he must really trust Jake if he is leaving it in his hands. " One more thing though Bella, I will be staying at Billy's to make it look as if I am out of town on business or something." He walked over to his seat at the table and I knew that the subject was not up for discussion anymore. Before I could protest I noticed the black Chevy Tahoe pull up in our drivewa"So he is who came for lunch? How did you get him to agree to this?" I couldn't help but be curious as to why an almost complete stranger would be so willing to help with such a crazy yet dangerous scheme.

"Well we got talking about it today and he offered. I think it will be good, you two used to play when you were younger it will give you some time to catch up."

The ringing sound of the doorbell interrupted our conversation before I could protest anymore. If I remember correctly this was the same boy that used to follow me around like a lost puppy, but the last time I saw him he kicked me in the shin and ran away laughing. Then again we were only about 8 years old at the time.

I wished I had known the company would actually be staying longer then just lunch. I would have fixed myself up a bit but now was too late and I didn't have the time. I would have to keep my black sweats and white tank top on and hope to not make a horrible first impression.

Charlie answered the door as I fixed their plates and placed then on the table. As I turned around I saw exactly what Charlie meant. This boy wasn't a boy anymore; he was a man and one hell of a man at that.

His hair was still a nice length, it fell about an inch under his shoulders, but he had it tied back. He was insanely tall and muscular, with a tattoo on his right bicep. It wasn't like most of the men down at the station. Most of them were vastly overweight and balding but not him. No he was like the complete opposite.

He wasn't wearing his uniform either; instead he rocked khaki shorts and a tight black beater shirt. I couldn't lie, he was downright gorgeous. So far from the little boy I vaguely remembered.

The sound of Charlie clearing his throat snapped my out of my senseless ogling. I could literally feel the burning flame of my embarrassment as it made its presence on my face.

"Right...well, I checked the perimeter so we are clear for now. His car was last spotted at Robin's Flower Wonderland on Main Street, Sam and Embry are tailing him now. I told them to hang low unless he was headed this way." He spoke with such a ease, it was like sex just poured out every time he opened his mouth.

Wow, it sounded like he really did know what he was talking about.

"Well, we should talk now while we still have the time. Don't want him hearing all the juicy details when he shows up." Charlie led Jacob to table as I followed closely behind. From this angle I couldn't help but take in the view.

His back side was just as incredible as the front...shit...I had a feeling this was going to take some getting used to. I had to get it under control unless I wanted to walk around like a tomato the whole time he is here.

"This looks incredible Bella, thank you." Jacob looked at his plate and then at me. His eyes were a beautiful shade of brown but his lips had to be the best feature on his face. He was absolutely beautiful.

"Bella is trying to make me eat healthier, doctor's orders. But these are my favorite, I can't give them up." Charlie spoke up before shoving a forkful of the potato in his mouth. I had to smirk; little did he know that those potatoes aren't exactly the same he started eating when I first moved here. I switched to fat free sour cream and reduced fat cheddar cheese, they make a huge difference but he never was able to tell.

I watched in silence as they demolished the entire salad, including both chicken breast, all four twice baked potatoes, and an entire loaf of crusty French bread. Not to mention a half gallon of iced tea, sweetened with Splenda of course. Something else Charlie didn't notice.

"It's nice to see you again Bella, I'm sure you have been filled in on why I'm here." Jacob spoke first and stood as I began to clear the table. Even against my protest he helped until the table was entirely clear.

"Yes, I do. And I remember you, the last time I saw you I was 8 years old and you kicked me in the shin before running away laughing at my expense." Charlie chuckled and Jacob looked taken back.

"Well I am sorry about that but sadly that isn't the last time you saw me. I was here with my father the night you went to your senior prom. I guess I can see why you didn't remember me or maybe the problem was I saw you, you just didn't see me." Then he did something that almost made my heart stop all together. He smiled a heartbreaking smile that caught me off guard.

"Right..okay." My father interrupted as he glanced between the two of us. "I think this is going to work out rather well if you ask me." Jacob laughed and I couldn't help but follow suit.

"Well let's get started before the leech shows up." Charlie spoke abruptly.

"Leech?" I questioned.

"Yes, well, we all will have code names. For example, Edward is the leech, as I'm sure you already guessed. Jake here will be Alpha dog, I'm Captain, and other various members on the force have different code names." Charlie explained intently.

_Leech_. Something that thrives off another's discomfort. Sounds perfect for Edward.

"Okay...what is mine?" I questioned. Curious as to what they would call me. Charlie looked at Jake and then to me but it was Jake that spoke.

"Yours is princess." His voice was harsher now. It bothered me though that I couldn't remember him being here that night and I couldn't help but wonder what his problem was now. Why the sudden attitude change?

" I actually speak multiple languages. French, Italian, German, Greek just to name a few." I caught the end of their conversation. Wow I was definitely impressed. I had trouble with Spanish in school and probably only spoke three words at the moment.

"Well now kids, it is getting late, I have to head out now. I will stop by after work to pick up my things. Jake, take care of my little girl, and Bella please don't give Jake such a hard time." Charlie stopped for his gun and jacket.

"I'm sure what ever the princess has in store I can handle." Jacob laughed. I shot him dagers with my eyes. What was this princess bullshit about?

"We will see about that." Charlie chuckled as he walked out the door.

Now that it was just Jake and I, the nervousness began to seep back in. How was I going to make this work? How could I convince anyone he was my boyfriend if I couldn't even look at him without blushing?

I couldn't help but notice that he looked rather distracted as he glared out the window, his cell phone in hand. After a few glances at the fancy screen he seemed to be texting and then put the phone away. Then he turned and headed toward me. Walking up right to my side he put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

It was rather shocking, it made my heart race but then again I guess this is what I should get used to though. My body tensed I and now he felt it.

"I'm sorry Bella, but with him out there I'm not sure what he will see and it has to look like we are together." His voice was sincere, his apology honest. The situation was awkward but not completely uncomfortable like I thought it would be. At least not yet.

"I understand. If we didn't it would be pointless right?" My voice was scratchy and hoarse.

"So I guess we should start by you telling me why it is I'm here." Jake dropped his arm and stood in front of me.

"Edward. My ex, he won't leave me alone." I answered dumbfoundily. Didn't we just go through all this with Charlie like ten minutes ago?

"Yeah Charlie filled me in on some of it but I mean I want to hear from you. Insider info of sorts, don't tell me you told Charlie everything because I know that would be a lie."

He was right I didn't tell him everything, but it was for his own good.

"I'm not sure where to start." I was honest. There was so much stuff that I was unsure where to even begin.

"Just start from the beginning." Jake led me to the living room and sat next to me on the sofa.

"Okay well...thinking back there were things from the very beginning I should I realized something was off. He would make sure we were always together; when we couldn't be he would follow me to call me excessively. There was one occasion he got physical." I spoke softly as I recalled the memory; I noticed Jake stiffened at my words.

"Physical?"

"Yeah, the night of my graduation we got into a fight. I asked about his behavior and he got mad and grabbed my arms and pushed me into a wall."

"I remember that night. At the restaurant, you seemed so sad, so distant." Jake recalled. "I tried to talk to you but you just blew me off." The harsh voice was back and his jaw tensed.

I hadn't even realized he was there that night. How out of it was I? I noticed how he now looked serious and professional. I seen that look on Charlie's face a thousand times yet Jacob couldn't pull it off entirely. Here and there I would see the emotion in his face, the way he clenched his jaw, the look in his eyes, how his hands balled up into a fist. He tried hard not to care but in reality he couldn't. Either he was angry at what Edward did to me or he was mad at me for something.

We sat there and didn't move for about an hour. He told me about how he always admired my father and wanted to become a cop because of it. He shared some stories of Charlie and Billy and all the things they would do during my time with my mother. He also told me how much Charlie missed me when I was gone and how happy he was when I called and asked to come live with him. I always thought I was being a burden but from the way Jacob told the story it was more like a godsend.

We went over the guidelines to making this situation work. No big arguments and talking about the plan unless he assured me it was a safe. We pretty much needed everyone to believe we were a couple in order to make this work and that meant being out in public together. Things like a simple trip to the grocery store would now become a joint event. He even suggested a date night which would make thing rather believable.

He assured me that nothing was going to happen to me while he was there. I couldn't help but feel relieved yet a little nervous at the same time. I wanted Edward to leave, but I wasn't so sure about Jacob's mood swings. Had I really treated him that badly in the past? What was it I said to him that night? I remember Edward and I remember getting ready for prom but I don't remember Jacob.

After our talk we spent the rest of the day going about our own thing. He unpacked and got situated while I made dinner and washed the laundry. It was almost as if he wasn't even here.

Charlie came for dinner and talked to Jake about everything from sports to the newest addition to the force, Leah Clearwater. I remember her from when I was younger. She was the daughter of Harry Clearwater, another good friend of my fathers. The one that passed away far too young. She was a little on the rough side, a tomboy of sorts but I never thought she would become a cop and I guess neither did anyone else. It was a shock of a lifetime my father called it.

I excused myself early, after the kitchen was clean, but before Charlie had left yet. By the time I straightened up my room and put away my freshly folded laundry I was exhausted. I'm assuming Charlie thought I was asleep already because I heard his cruiser pull out without him coming to tell me goodnight or that he was leaving.

I was going to miss him and couldn't help but worry what kind of food he would be eating while at Billy's. Those two were worse than any teenage boys I know and when they get together sometimes dangerous things can happen. Like the one time they watched a movie one Sunday afternoon here, when I was out with Edward, I come home to at least two dozen burnt, shriveled up logs that were once hotdogs and a foul smell throughout the entire house that lasted a week. The only explanation they had was they wanted to see if they really would blow up. I didn't know what to say so I just threw out the plate of hard logs, plate and all and started spraying Febreeze. It didn't help. The smell seemed to be etched into the very walls.

As it turns out the hotdogs don't explode.

They promised to leave the myth busting to the professionals or as Billy stated "maybe those old goats on the TV show". I could only imagine what kind of trouble they got into when they were younger, when they didn't have the common sense and intelligence they have now.

Exhausted and not sure how much more I would be able to take today, I decided to go to bed. I started my nightly bedtime routine. It may sound childish but I have found it helps to keep a routine and I often slept a lot better.

After slathering on an acceptable amount of moisturizer I slipped into an ivory lace camisole and a pair of matching boy shorts before slipping under my purple quilt and comfort of my bed.

I tried to relax, to let my mind rest but I was having difficulty doing so. I just laid there trying to find some sort of solitude in the mess that was my life now, relaxing as I recalled Jacob's kind words earlier and his promise to protect me and then tensing and worrying why it seemed he was angry at me. Maybe, just maybe I would bring the subject up tomorrow.

I couldn't help but want to believe him, I knew he wouldn't allow anything to happen to me if he had the power to stop it not knowing he would have to face my father if something did. I was now really regretting the fact that I tried to avoid him so much when I was younger. Or the fact that I didn't seem to remember him when he was there, whatever I said nor did to him that night definitely left an impression. It wasn't something he forgot though I couldn't remember.

I must have been starting to fall asleep when I felt the justle of my bed. My heart began to race and I was afraid to open my eyes._ He's _here; he got past Jacob and finally got to me.

I braced myself for what I was about to see and at the count of three I opened my eyes.

Much to my dismay, it wasn't Edward seeking revenge, making me pay for leaving him, for apparently moving on with someone else. No it wasn't him. What I saw when I opened my eyes scared me even more then that thought.

There the shadow that danced fluidly in the moonlight that shined in from my bedroom window. Was Jacob Black, shirtless and pulling back my purple quilt. Seeking acceptance as he climbed in bed beside me.

As many of you may have noticed by now this is in fact the rewrite to The Bodyguard. I have left the original up for now so my readers will get the chance to see that this will in fact be the only copy and the original will be deleted. In this form, it will in fact be AU, meaning there will be no vampires or werewolves it's all human. I will be posting regularly now. Posting my be quicker at first, until we are caught up with were I left off before and then it will be once a week, on Wednesday.

If you get a chance please review, I would love to see what you think of the rewrite.

After The Bodyguard is finished I will begin to post the rewrite to Second Chances.

Thanks – Augustblack…


	2. Chapter 2

_For anyone that may be interested, I am looking for a beta and for someone who is willing to make a banner for this story. If you are interested in either one please pm me. _

_The only other site you will find any of my stories at is Easy as Breathing (easyasbreathing(at)ning(dot)com. It is an all Jacob and Bella site and is run by some fantastic people. I highly recommend you check out the site and post any J/B stories you may have there._

Chapter 2

Take a Bow

_"Take a bow, the night is over, this masquerade is getting older. Lights are low, the curtains down, there's no one here. Say your lines but do you feel them? Do you mean what you say when there's no one around? Watching you, watching me, one lonely star." - Madonna_

Reluctantly I sat up on my bed, leaning on my forearm, trying to get a better look at what was going on. No my eyes weren't playing tricks on me; it was in fact a half naked Jacob Black. What the hell does he think he is doing?

"I am sorry I took so long babe, but I thought I heard something outside." He spoke softly and was sincere but then in the dark of night I thought I saw a wink. Yeah I was pretty sure he just winked at me.

"Where are your clothes?" The words rushed out of my mouth. I was hoping he didn't realize how uncomfortable I was with his nakedness. Anymore it was unheard of to be a virgin at the age of 19 but none the less here I was, living proof that not everyone experimented in high school like Lauren was announced.

It took me a minute and I felt rather foolish when it hit me. Now I was embarrassed for more then just his lack of clothes. If we were supposed to act as if we were a couple of course he would sleep in my bed and the noise he heard outside was in fact probably Edward.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was glad he was here. The thought of Edward outside my bedroom as I slept scared the hell out of me and I often didn't get much sleep at all. My heart began to race as I thought of him being that close to me; the sound was roaring in my ears and began to make me dizzy.

The only light in the room was that of the moon that shown through my windows. I could see his face better now, not completely clear though. He leaned in and sat on the edge of my bed, leaving my quilt alone. I looked down his muscular chiseled chest and noticed that he had more tattoos. Normally I thought of tattoos as a turn off, something you saw on bikers and guys from prison. Not exactly my type. But now as I stared at the black ink lines I felt an attraction to them. Wanting something a part of your body permanently and going through the pain of a needle being stuck in your skin repeatedly struck me as passionate. Granted the lighting in here wasn't good, but I could still see the out line of his muscles and as each one rippled as he moved.

"Did you find anything?" I asked in a hushed voice, almost afraid of what his answer would be.

I knew that Edward would lurk around the house but I never actually caught him, I just saw flashes of what I was almost certain was him, so if Jake saw him too then that would actually confirm my suspicions and that frightened me. It wasn't all in my imagination; he was really here, really around all the time.

After a few seconds he didn't show any signs of answering, he just looked at me. His eyes were locked on mine before he shook his head and jumped up and to remove his shorts. All that was left were his black boxer briefs. I couldn't believe that him being this way, even though he wasn't completely naked, this was as naked as a guy has ever been in my room. Hell as naked as a guy has ever been around me period.

My eyes grew wide in both fear and astonishment. Just how far did he think we were going to take this? What was he planning exactly? Surely he didn't think I would sleep with him to try and lure Edward off, did he. No, he couldn't, it was just me that jumped to that conclusion. How foolish of me to think that. Then in that moment I realized that part of me actually did want to experience that. Maybe not now or with him but someday with someone. If I ever meet someone.

He kneeled onto the bed in front of me. Both knees digging into my mattress, causing me to fall forward the slightest bit. He took my face between his, the calloused parts brushing againgest my cheeks and brought his face down to look in my eyes. For a split second I saw some kind of emotion flicker, but I couldn't place it for it wasn't long before his jaw set and the angry Jacob was back.

"I am sorry baby." He shook his head up and down as if trying to communicate silently with me, placing a light soft kiss on my lips to silence my gasp. He continued, "Will you forgive me?" another kiss "Please?" and yet another. All thoughts of the question I asked and the growing fear that was building inside disappeared.

Sure Edward and I kissed from time to time but it was nothing like this. It wasn't close in comparison at all. Edward's kisses were cold and stiff, Jacob's kiss was raw and passionate. For a minute I wanted ot pretend we weren't in this crazy situation we were in and that maybe in an alternate universe. That maybe in a different lifetime he and I would be lovers sharing an intamite moment.

It wasn't as if I like him or anything. Sure there was an attraction but that's all. I just liked the idea that maybe somewhere out in the universe there was someone waiting for me. Someone who would kiss me like this and actually mean it. Maybe someday, I told myself. Hoping it was true.

I felt myself go limp in his arms and as I melted into his body. My fear was almost inexistent as he soothed me through it. His arms circled around my waist as he held me close he flipped us around in one fluid movement, and pulled me closer so I was lying almost on top of him.

There was no way I could deny it, this was probably the safest I felt in a long time. Maybe it was all the adrenaline from the kiss. Or maybe it was because his body was so warm and comforting that Edward hadn't crossed my mind once as I laid my head upon his chest. As I began to drift to sleep, feeling his hand run through my hair, I had to remind myself that this was just a charade. He was just doing his job and that I in fact really didn't mean anything to him.

I'm pretty sure it was the heat from his body that jolted me awake, or therefore the lack of it. As I came to a sitting position I brought my hand up to my forehead. With the back of my hand I wiped the sweat away that was forming tiny beads across my brow. Great the first time a man is in my bed with me and I am completely repulsive. It was then that I noticed he was no longer lying next to me.

"I'm over here, Bella." Almost as if he read my mind he answered in a low hush voice. Squinting my eyes I was able to locate him as he sat in the ledge of my bay window, looking out into the night. He really does take his job seriously. I couldn't help but wonder if something happened during the night or maybe if I just sweat too much and scared him out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask, sleep still heavy in my voice.

He left out a dark chuckle, one that frightened me a little. "Nothing's wrong, I couldn't sleep. Just looking out, making sure there isn't anything out there. It is what I am here for isn't it?" His voice was different. He seemed irritated with something or someone for that matter.

"Umm…yeah I guess so." I turned and began to lie down. Tiny tears burned my eyes clouding my vision. I didn't do anything to deserve the harshness and attitude he was giving me.

"Come here." He demanded. I turned back to look at him. No there was no way I was going to play along. I was done. The first thing in the morning I planned on calling my father and telling him the game was over. I didn't deserve to be treated this way and I wouldn't tolerate it. No way I was making the same mistake twice and allowing a man to control me. "Now." He grit through his teeth.

Before my legs caught up with my mind I was up and walking toward him at slower then I would usually go. When I finally reached him he grabbed my wrist rather roughly and pulled me into him. I placed my free hand on his chest and tried to push him away but he didn't budge.

His hands knit tightly in my hair as he pulled my face in closer to his. His lips met mine and all the passion from before was gone. This was rough; this was harsh and unfeeling. It was fake. Jacob let go of my hair, allowing it to fall freely and he pulled me into his lap. Deepening the kiss even more before he abruptly pulled back.

"What the hell Jacob?" Before I could finish my rant he cut me off. "Shh.."

That was when I saw the headlights and vaguely I saw Edward's silver Volvo as he pulled away, tires screeching.

It was all for Edward's benefit. All just a show. Nothing more.

That explanation however, didn't speak for the edginess to him. His attitude mystified me but I refused to spend another minute trying to figure him out.

I planned to go about my business no different then any other time. At this time last night I was fast asleep or at least trying to fall asleep. With Jacob staking out in my bedroom sleeping soundly was out of the question. If I were to go up there now I would either toss or turn because I was trying to figure out his crazy mood swings or because I would dwell on the fact of why Jacob was staking out in my room. _Edward._

Neither was an option I was willing to face.

This entire crazy situation was making me extremely uncomfortable. Who was I to think Charlie's absurd plan would work? Was I that naive that I actually thought Edward could be scared away by someone posing to be my boyfriend? No not hardly. Not the Edward I knew; he was determined and what he lacked in physical strength he made up for it with his brilliant mind. Yeah sure Jacob might be able to win in a physical fight but my instincts told me Edward was too smart to let it led to all that.

Maybe, just maybe, I could just pack all my stuff up and leave town. Hell maybe I could leave the state. If Edward were to see me leave there would be no reason for him to stick around. Sure he might follow me but at least I would know that Charlie would be safe from all harm.

Then there was the thought of Charlie getting the news that Edward had gotten ahold of me and possibly harmed me. I didn't want Charlie thinking I didn't trust him enough to stick around and ultimately I hurt him by trying to keep him safe. No that wouldn't work.

All I knew was I had to come up with a better plan than what we were dealing with now. With all the chances of sleeping soundly dissipating into thin air more each passing second, I decided a cup of tea would calm my nerves.

Any other night in which my insomnia reared its ugly head a hot bath always seemed to help. A little indulgence could go a long way my mother would always say. It wasn't until I started to indulge that I realized just how true it was.

After closing the bathroom door I locked it and began to strip off my clothing. While allowing the bath tub to fill up I dug out my body wash and a towel. The hot water was soothing to the touch, easing the tension in muscles as I soaked, allowing myself to let go.

After my relationship with Edward ended I was able to look back and see just how much our relationship changed me, and it wasn't all for the better. Sure I experienced a little growth, had my first lesson in heartache and disappointment, but mostly I changed into something I couldn't recognize. The past fifteen months of my life was a huge learning experience. Edward and I spent four months getting to know each other – yeah like that did a lot of good – before we started dating, we dated for seven months and then the past four months I have been unsuccessfully trying to hide from him.

I was pretty sure I never wanted to date again after this. If only because I would always have that nagging feeling wondering just how well I knew the man. How would I be able to tell if he would go all crazy stalker on me? For appearances sake Edward was breathtaking and you would never believe he would be so unstable if you hadn't lived through it yourself. When the word stalker was mentioned prior to this occasion, I automatically thought of the typical stereotype. The type that just looked like a stalker and you could pick him out anywhere you go. Only real life doesn't work like that.

No real life is a smack in the face, a punch in the gut, all things unpleasant. I couldn't help but remember a book that I read after Edward started getting obsessive. The reason I remember it so clearly is because while looking for it at the book store in Port Angeles Edward swore the store assistant was hitting on me. He made an explosive scene and I almost didn't get my purchase. I explained to him the assistant was just being friendly. Wally Lamb books weren't easy to come by, especially the older ones, and he found it fascinating to have two people ask for the same book that day.

It was scary how I could relate to the main character in the book, Delores Price. It wasn't for reasons that most would relate to a person. In the book, _She's Come Undone_, young Delores is merely a victim of her parent's mistakes. Her parents separated and her mother was completely absent for a while and she had to learn how to keep herself together. She took on many responsibilities at a young age.

The one thing that sticks out in my mind the most about the book is toward to end. After many years of devastation and mere exhaustion she reaches her breaking point and travels to Cape Cod, the place in which the whales were getting stuck on the beach and ultimately died. There have been many debates on why she chooses to go, some claimed she was just crazy and others say she loved the morbidity of it. However I believe that finally, after all the years of not being about to reach out to someone, not being able to relate to them, I think part of her saw herself in the whale.

It is that reason alone that I can relate to Delores Price. The same reason that book as a permanent home resting on the top shelf of my desk.

While Delores travels to see this beached whale she rethinks everything in her life. She knows that she can't go any further without facing her demons. Distraught she swims out in the ocean and allows herself to be swallowed into her grief.

I often wondered how that would feel, to just be weightless and floating. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I submerged myself in the water. I allowed my mind to free itself, to go blank and my body was numb.

It has been said that there are five stages to drowning. The first stage is surprise, there is no screaming or yelling and the victim is afraid. Therefore since Delores and I know what we were doing there is no surprise to it. The second stage is involuntary breath holding. The victim is now well below the water and the body involuntary closes the epiglottis which closes the airways. I believe that is the stage I am at because my lungs begin to burn and my head feels as if it is about to explode.

The rest gets a little fuzzy after that and I think it is because I was beginning to enter stage three, unconsciousness; do to the body shutting down from lack of oxygen. I wasn't sure how long Jacob was calling my name or how he got into the bathroom when I know I locked the door. All I knew was how his bare chest felt against my skin as he held me close to him. It was then that I realized I had no cloths on at all.

I wasn't trying to commit suicide which is now what he probably thought I was trying to do. I just wanted to see what it felt like to _not_ feel. To see how it was to be weightless, to see if Delores's theory had any truth to it.

I don't think I was under that long to experience it.

No other words were spoken that night. Jacob dressed me in one of his oversized shirts and covered us both up with my quilt. He held me tightly to his side and stared off into space before falling asleep himself.

While I had trouble falling asleep I was exhausted, mentally and physically. Through sore eyes I watched Jacob, his deep breaths and slight snoring eventually lulled me into a deep satisfying sleep.

I awoke the next morning to an empty bed. Slowly I stood up and stretched, my head still ached. Embarrassment flushed through me as I recalled last night's events. How was I going to face him now? Try and convince him I wasn't mentally disturbed and waiting to commit suicide then maybe try and be friends? The situation just got a lot more awkward. He wouldn't understand me, no one understood me.

I changed into a pair of jean shorts and white tee shirt and ran a brush through my hair a couple of times. Time to face the music. With his shirt in hand I descended down the stairs and followed the voices.

I found Jacob in the kitchen with two other men, one of those men being Charlie. The other man was from the station I assumed since he was wearing an uniform. A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach told me he called me father and told him about last night. I could only imagine what Charlie would say to such a thing.

"Good morning Bells, it isn't like to you sleep in this late." Instinctively I looked at the clock, it was a little after 9 am but he was right I usually didn't sleep in. I guess nearly drowning yourself can really wear a person out.

"Yeah I guess I was pretty worn out that's all." I mumbled and the man whose name tag read _Quil _snickered. Jacob's eyes narrowed and the man was instantly quiet.

"Here's your shirt. Thank you…for letting me use it." I laid the shirt down next to Jacob's arm but he didn't put any effort into looking at me.

"So you slept well then?" Charlie questioned completely unphased by the shirt. He knew how hard it was for me to get any sleep lately and even when I did sleep the nightmares that plagued woke me up throughout the night.

Quil smirked and I met his stare, I wasn't going to allow him to embarrass me when there was no reason to be embarrassed anyway.

"Well I have slept better." A small smile escaped my lips as I watched Jacob's face fall slightly. I lied though. Never, even before this whole thing with Edward, had I slept any better then I did last night.

"Could've fooled me, by the sounds of it, that dream seemed awfully…entertaining. I just assumed that you slept well." Jacob's voice was calmed, unfeeling. My dad and Quil shared a laugh at my expense.

Shit. I forgot that I talked in my sleep, I have from the time I was a child. The blush rose feverishly as I pondered what I could have possibly said after a make out session like we had and then my spiritual seeking bath in which he busted down the door. I wondered how he was going to explain that. Jacob chuckled and muttered something I assumed was unintelligent.

Charlie started asking Jacob about the game last night and they were too lost in their own conversation to see that Quil's attention was now solely on me.

His face was expressionless and he made no effort to say anything, he just looked into my eyes causing me to shift a little. His stare didn't let up even as I spoke up.

"I have to go into town for a little bit today." I blurted out. Charlie and Jacob stopped talking and Quil raised an eyebrow at me but never took his eyes away.

"No definitely not." Charlie shook his head in protest. He was acting as if what I was requesting was so out of this world and I was totally crazy for thinking it were possible.

It was then that Jacob noticed Quil's intense stare and smacked him in the back of his head.

"Hey!" Quil whined and rubbed the spot where his hand made contact. Never once did Jacob look at me. He didn't look my way either.

"Come on Dad, I have been out on my own before. Besides if Edward does see me with Jacob every waking moment he is going to know something is up. He isn't as crazy as you think he is." It sounded odd coming from my mouth but once the words escaped I couldn't take them back.

Jacob scuffed and let out a dark chuckle. "_Princess_ is probably right. He would probably catch on but it's your call Chief." His voice was harsh, respectful but cold.

Reluctantly Charlie agreed. I think it was only because Quil offered to follow me there and report if he saw Edward any where around. What ever the reason was I didn't care. I just wanted out of the house and away from Jacob.

The only things I had planned for today was to go grocery shopping and to the book store. Maybe I would stop by and see Angela. I needed to find something to keep me out of the house for a little bit longer it was hard to tell when I would be granted a chance like this again.


	3. Chapter 3

_Special thanks goes out to my beta samsjazz for all her help...I know it isn't Wednesday but I did miss last Wednesday's update so here it is._

_Also I will be participating a 2 new contest as well as Fandom for Sexual Assualt Awareness and Fandom Fights Against Mental Illness. I suggest you take a look at both and if you can, participate as well. Any help is appreciated._

Chapter 3

_Prom Queen_

_"So innocent in my eye, I could see her in my life. She would've had it all. But see, she had other plans I couldn't understand. Her and her stupid friends, varsity's biggest fans. Never'll forget the day she laughed and walked away. And I couldn't stop her; I guess she had it all. She had it all figured out. But she left me with a broken heart. Messed around and turned me down, 'Cause she didn't think I could play the part." Lil'Wayne_

I'd like to consider myself a fairly sane person. I wear stylish clothing, avoid drama, and know nothing about voodoo. I don't have a secret alias, or an imaginary friend, or a meth problem. No skeletons in my closet, just a bulging laundry basket and a few dozen pairs of shoes.

Decidedly not crazy.

Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive female glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself questioning my sanity, and wishing I could get a grip on myself.  
If you were to ask me how I felt about Isabella Swan, I'm not sure how I would answer. Never has a more loaded question been asked.

The only answer I am able to come up with is that I have no freaking clue at the moment.  
I guess it is safe to say that I feel an immense amount of emotions. I can't say that I like the girl much after what happened the last time we were together, but at the same time I can't say that I don't care about her at all. It wasn't always that way though. If you had asked me how I felt about her say, maybe five years ago, the answer would have been simple.

Without skipping a beat I would confess my undying love for the brown eyed beauty. I wouldn't have thought twice about how pathetic would make me look, me, Jacob Black, getting all weepy and gushing over a girl. There was a time when I did just that but sure as hell not anymore.

I was, at one time, head over heels in love with Bella Swan. As far as I was concerned the sun rose and set around her, she was the center of my universe ever since I was five years old. Never do I remember another girl capturing my eye like she did. I can't even remember crushing on any other girl at all.

When we were younger Charlie and my dad would go on fishing trips together or spend a lot of time watching sports on the television. During that time Bella and I were expected to play together along with my two sisters. It seemed like two best friends dream, having children close in age to one another. That way you could gather or do whatever it is you do and expect, or hope for, the kids to get along long enough in order for you to finish what you were doing.

We were young and most of the time my sisters convinced her I had cooties. There were days she spent on the reservation that she wouldn't even speak to me and yet I would sit and watch her the entire time she was there. She didn't seem to notice though. She was always in her own little world, perfectly content on being alone. A lot of the time she seemed sad so I would try and cheer her up but it never seemed to work.

She was by far the least graceful person I've met, so clumsy, falling over her own feet at times. However, what she lacked in coordination she made up for in smarts. The girl was brilliant or at least in my eyes she was.

On many occasions she would tote around a book and could read for hours and not get bored. She didn't care that the girls snickered behind her back and toward the end of the summer they labeled her stuck up. Claiming she thought she was better then us and that they didn't want her as a friend anyway. Bella only responded by shrugging her shoulders and walking away.

I would follow her around everywhere even though she didn't seem to notice me. It didn't matter to me, at the time, that maybe she didn't feel the same way about me. I was young and in love and the only thing I knew was she was, in fact, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. As I grew up the feelings didn't change, for most of my adolescence I was irrevocably in love with her.

Too bad things couldn't remain that simple. No, the problem with young love is that at one point in time you realize how foolish you were. However, the time usually doesn't come until you have already had your heart broken and more then likely were embarrassed to no end.

Only then do you look at the situation with eyes that are no longer vibrant and innocent, so full of hope. No, that loss also brings sadness into your heart that plunges you into early adulthood. Young love - so naive, so immature, so unsophisticated, yet so damn thrilling.

Little do we know that we are prepared for this long before we realize what love is?

Early on in life, children have to endure the sad, frustrating lesson that certain children may not want to play with them. They may not get invited to a classmate's party and the child who they have a crush on may not like them back. In fact, the crush may even be convinced that the child in question has the cooties. Or at least, that is the way it was in my experience. I was different as a child. I was always trying to impress Isabella Swan. Whether it was mud pies or a flower bouquet made of driftwood and rocks, I was always trying and yet never seemed to succeed.

As we grow up, we continue to learn this difficult lesson. We may not get a Valentine's card shoved in our desk from the one person we hoped would send their love. The person we pine after may be taken and unable to play, romantically or sexually, in the ways that we had hoped. The kiss we offer may be greeted with a turned cheek rather than the lips - or worse, an awkward wave goodnight.

Or either one may be taken and the person we want may not be able to reach out to us, even if we want them to carry us away with kisses and dreams, or even a mundane Sunday spent doing the laundry and rubbing each other's feet. The list goes on: he may not, as the book and movie say, be that "into" you. She may like you "as a friend." He may want you only as a booty call and not as a soul mate. She may want you only as long as you do X, Y or Z. None of it is fair, nor will it ever be.

These moments of unreturned love may be tough. Scratch that - they may feel gut-wrenchingly sad, confusing, bare, lonely, and vulnerable. And yet they are a tough reality of togetherness and separateness.

Sometimes the person you most want to play with - to love, to touch, to kiss, to bathe with - doesn't want to play your game. Sometimes it's even harder: they may choose to not even talk to you anymore. Once Bella moved to Phoenix with her mother all ties of communication stopped. It wasn't as if we talked that often when she was here, though I did send her my contact information through our fathers. She just chose to never write me. I, on the other hand, wrote her often, I just never sent any of the letters. Of course, no one knows about my secret stash of letters that remained in my bedroom until a few months back.

We can't control what other people decide to do with their lives. Not only can we not control it but sometimes the kindest, most compassionate response is to acknowledge that whatever the other person chose is perhaps best for them at the moment. Maybe they are not trying to be cruel. That is what I kept telling myself anyway.

When I was told that Bella was moving back to Forks I thought my chance had finally come. That I would, without a doubt, show her what she meant to me and she would allow me to sweep her off her feet because she would fall in love with me.

Perhaps, however, the other person knows themselves quite well and they've decided that they can't look into your eyes, take your phone calls, or maybe even come home to you anymore. Sometimes people won't play with us and we are forced to be okay with it, especially if it's what helps the other person to move on with their life.

There's no doubt about it: unrequited love is hard. Research has shown how different an experience it is (in terms of brain activity) compared to love that's returned. Not that most of us need a scientist to tell them that: if you've loved and are loved back, and another time loved and been left in the lurch, you know all too well what the differences are. You know how endings or break ups feel.

Shortly after she moved back we would go over to visit, yet she was never home. It seemed she was always at work, and then Cullen came into the picture. That was a detour I hadn't planned on. The sweet Bella I was in love with fell for the creepy Cullen kid. There was always something I didn't like about him. And now that he had stolen my dream girl from me, I seriously had issues with him.

I often bugged my father insensibly about visiting Forks. I tried to convince him it was a selfless act; that I wasn't itching on seeing Bella. Needless to say all my efforts were worthless. He saw right through my act.  
So imagine my excitement the day we went to watch the game at Charlie's and it ended up being the night of her prom. I anxiously waited for her to come downstairs, just so I could see her. It didn't matter that she had a boyfriend, one that sat next to me at this very moment.

When she came down the stairs I couldn't believe how grown up she was. Sure she was beautiful before, but then as I looked at the matured girl in front of me she could only be described as one word – breathtaking.

The dress she wore hugged her body in all the right places and her silky long hair laid in curls down her back. Yet again she didn't even seem to notice me; the only person she seemed even remotely concerned about was Cullen.

I saw the way he looked at her and it wasn't with love and admiration. There was something in his eyes that I didn't trust and I didn't like the idea of my Bella being with him all night long. I tried to speak up, to tell her she looked beautiful, but my tongue was tied and I couldn't make myself speak. I stood there frozen, watching as she wrapped her arm around his and told Charlie goodbye. As I sat there I realized I wasn't focused on the game at all. No I could only think of how strange it was that Bella hadn't smiled once before leaving to go to her prom.

Being in love with somebody who doesn't love you can be a heartbreaking experience. I found out the hard way after pining over Bella Swan for most of my life. Now I see her for what she truly is, an ungrateful, selfish little girl. All those years I wasted chasing after what I thought would be my key to happiness ended up being my own undoing.  
The night I realized that Bella and I had no future together what –so- ever was the most single handed, embarrassing moment of my life. A few weeks after prom came graduation and an invite for my dad and me to go out to some fancy restaurant in a celebration for Bella. It took a little of my massive persuasive skills but my father reluctantly agreed. He didn't like the Cullen's none but never elaborated on why, not that I didn't ask. Of course, because Edwards's family was going to be there, he hadn't wanted to go.

Part of me wishes that I would've just listened to my father and stayed home watching sports all night. The other part of me is glad I did go, at least that way I wasn't holding onto a fantasy any longer. Either way it was a rude awakening none the less.

Once the guys at the station found out about this little undercover work I was doing the nagging started. Due to my exceptional grade point average throughout school I was able to graduate two years earlier then what I normally would have.

As soon as I was out of school I focused on a career as a police officer. Since La Push doesn't have such a force I turned to Forks. It was rather helpful that four or five of the boys I grew up with worked there, as well as Charlie of course.

There have been chances I could've moved to Forks or out on my own, but I've never taken them. My father's health isn't all that well so it is best he have supervision. It is something that I choose to do and I have yet to have any problems regarding it.

There have been girls in my life, many of them. None though, quite compare to the fantasy I had of Bella. Maybe because it was all imaginary, who knows? While I wasn't known as a lady's man, I had no trouble finding some random girl to hang out with.

Quil and Embry were always trying to get me to give Bella another chance. However, to be honest I hadn't thought of her in that way since that fateful night. I worked with Quil and Embry as well as Sam and Paul. Sam was a married man, the responsible one of the group. Paul was the complete opposite, the absolute definition of a lady's man, a new girl every night. So imagine my dilemma when his new target was my sister.

Rachel was always the daredevil, the free spirit of the family. Her past relationships were brief and she seemed as if she would chew them up and spit them out. I think everyone had expected her to lose interest in Paul rather quickly. Much to everyone's surprise they have been together for almost eighteen months and engaged to get married.

The relationship seemed to tame Paul, but every now and then he would let his mischievous side come out to play and that is how the bet was born. After I agreed to the deal with Charlie my buddies and I went out to lunch. Initially Embry was worried about what living in closed quarters with Bella would do to me. He didn't think I got closure and was worried that I would end up heartbroken, again at Bella's hand. Quil was convinced this was my second chance at winning her heart. After showing my total grievance on the situation Paul came up with the idea to hurt her they way she hurt me.

His exact words were, "Why don't cha show that snotty nose brat what it feels like to be dragged through the coals." His theory was that I should try to get Bella to fall in love with me, much like I was with her all those years back and then crush her into a million pieces. When I showed reluctance to go along with the plan he suggested that there was no way I could get her to love me. The immature side of me agreed and bet $500 that I could, Paul being Paul raised the stakes to $1000.

I never backed down from a bet with Paul, no matter what it was. While part of me knew it was wrong to even attempt what I was planning another part kinda wanted to stick it to her. Embry didn't want any part of it while Quil and Sam both bet $500, one for me and one against me.

So when I walked into the situation I was confident that I would exact my revenge and show her what it felt like to burn. That took my mind off of all the hell she put me through.

It has been a few months since that night and I have changed quite a bit, in more ways then one. I was no longer that scrawny little boy that she thought of me as. Shortly after that night Paul and I started to lift weights each night as well as run five miles each morning. Physically my appearance was drastically different than what she remembered. My hair was still long; I never could cut all of it off. It was something my mother loved and after her death keeping my hair long made me feel close to her. Strange but it is what it is.

Another thing about me is that I love tattoos and have many of them. My first one was a bet I lost between Paul and myself and ever since then it's like I am addicted. There is something sobering between the art itself and the pain turning into pleasure. My father never really approved of them but he didn't say much about them once he realized what they meant to me. In a way they were like therapy. After my mother died I changed, I didn't feel whole. My second tattoo, after the one of a cherry on my left butt cheek, when I lost the bet, was a tribute to my mother. It turned out so beautiful that even my father couldn't help but smile when he first saw it.

Losing my mother nearly tore my father apart. Still to this day the only reason I believe he held on was for my sisters and me. Still, even though he was up and going about his daily business, he was an empty shell of a man. No longer himself, he still isn't. He lost his soul mate and I felt he never would be the same again.

Another reason I wasn't sure I ever wanted to settle down. When I hear the words soul mates, I think of my mother and father. They are the ultimate definition of the word, at least in my eyes they are. However, when I think of it in regards to myself or other people I can't help but wonder if it's worth it. Sure my father says all those years with my mother mean the world to him, but I can't help but wonder about all those years he has spent without her.

What if you supposed soul mate gets hit by a car or run over by a bus or something, before or after you meet them? If it is before you meet them, does that mean you spend your whole life alone? Or if it is after say you are married for 25 years and have three children; does that mean that is it for you? All the happiness and love that was in your life is now gone? Or does it mean it's only the beginning? What if you meet someone else, does that mean you will never be truly happy because they are not your soul mate? Or does that make them your soul mate and the previous marriage was a mere stepping stone?

Whenever my mind begins to wonder about these things I get a migraine and figure it's best to not wonder so much anymore.

The first night was interesting to say the least. I thought I would test her boundaries by trying to sleep in the same bed as her in just my underwear. Much to my surprise, she protested at first but didn't put up a fight. Not even when I kissed her. When our lips first met she was frigid, almost scared like it was her first kiss. Then after a little persuading her lips moved right along with mine as she fell into my embrace.

I guess at the moment we were successful at the charade, because from the outside looking in we must have looked like two lovers sharing a moment. However, laying there in her bed like that was a little too personal for me. I don't know where it came from but a wave of guilt washed over me. Maybe I should just tell Paul the bet is off or just say he was right and pay him. That part of me shut the hell up rather quickly as Bella began to talk in her sleep. Between these sweet little moans, she began to whisper my name only she called me Jake and not Jacob. There was something about the usage of the nickname along with the moans that made a fire begin to burn in my lower region. Though it was when she started to rub her hand up my chest that I decided to get out of the bed before my hormones got the better of me.

I sat in her window looking out into the night as I tried to regain my focus. My mind was racing as I thought of all the ways I could handle the situation before coming to a complete stop. There, just along the tree line, was the little silver Volvo that I knew belonged to Edward. Through the dark of night the moon shined just enough to see that there was someone in the car.

It hadn't even been 20 minutes that I'd been sitting there that I saw Bella sit up in bed. She looked as if she was about to panic so I made myself known. This would be the first perfect opportunity to allow Edward to see us together as a couple. She acted so innocent and looked so amazingly beautiful that I had to keep reminding myself of that night in order to not fall for her all over again. I knew that I was snapping at her and part of me liked how she coward back.  
I knew that I was holding her a little too roughly, her trying to pull away only angered me more and I held on more tightly. I kissed her rough and animal like; almost as if we were about to ravish each other that very moment, exactly what I wanted Edward to think.

After Edward drove off she pulled away, I saw the tears glistening her eyes. Convincing myself that it wasn't a big deal, nothing compared to what she put me through. I tried to justify my actions only to make myself feel better about hurting her.

After maybe two hours of her leaving the room I began to worry. I mean, I saw Edward drive off so I knew it wasn't anything to do with him but I began to wonder if maybe I hurt her a little too much. I searched the house and still no sight of her. The last place I looked was the bathroom. The door was locked and she wasn't answering or acknowledging the knocks and me calling her name.

Without a second thought I busted through the door knowing I would have to replace that before Charlie noticed. I was scared to no end when I saw her under the water. She was losing consciousness fast but wasn't fighting it. She wanted it, did she want to drown? Did I drive her to do this? That thought alone made my heart ache. I paid no attention to her naked body as I held her to me.

Once in the bedroom I dried her off and pulled the shirt I had just taken off over her head. My shirt swam on her but it would at least cover everything up. I continued to hold her tightly to me as we lay in bed. We didn't talk anymore that night. I think she was in shock and maybe a little embarrassed and I didn't know what the hell to say.

I awoke the next morning to car doors and realized Charlie and Quil came over to check things out. We drank some coffee and sat at the table. I informed Charlie that Edward did in fact make an appearance but I left out the whole - your daughter tried to drown herself - thing. I knew that Bella and I had to have a talk tonight.

Quil started acting up a little once Bella came downstairs. I tried my hardest to give her the cold shoulder, to not look at her. I could barely hold myself together last night and looking at her now with Quil and Charlie in the room would be a mistake.

After she made that little comment that I knew was in fact a lie - Charlie had informed me of her nightmares - worried she would awake screaming in the middle of the night, the immature part of me had to make a sly comment back. I immediately felt guilty as the blush swept across her face.

After everyone had left I wondered around the house. I decided the best way to approach last night would be over some dinner and maybe a little wine. Knowing that nothing I needed was in the house I knew a trip to Port Angeles was in order. Yep, I had this under control. Everything would be fine. I tried to ignore what I knew to be true.

Feelings that I thought to be long gone came bubbling up to the surface as I looked into Bella's eyes after Charlie left. It was if I lost myself in those chocolate brown orbs all over again and I felt myself begin to lose a grip on my emotions. But no I wasn't going to let her do that to me again. No certainly not. I would win this bet no matter what. No matter who walked away with the shattered heart this time. I just hoped it wouldn't be me.


End file.
